Tales of Two Behaviours

Over the last two weeks, I received the links to two Youtube videos from friends. Both were very interesting videos that brought across so much meaning to the purpose of living and need for continuous learning in life, no matter what age it be. 

The first, was a local Malaysian clip that went viral, involving a key speaker who is said to have behaved arrogantly and inappropriately to a fellow student from the audience. Watch the controversial part that got out of hand  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cV2-IrTKt3o.

Now, I don't care nor wish to discuss the merits of the questions or facts put forth by Bawani or Sharifah. I remain apolitical and cast aside my inclinations. All, I want to say here is purely from the perspective of bringing out some invaluable learning from adult behaviours or misbehaviours. So what sort of lessons can we take away ?. Well, I can think of few:

Communication

1.       Listen, Listen, Listen -  No, I am not being sarcastic to Sharifah. I’m merely impressing that we ought to seriously understand why god gave us two ears and one mouth. The art of listening is a skill that is easy to preach but hard to follow. It takes a lot of patience and conscious restraint in us to control our innate desire and tendency to speak, rather than listen. When we fail to master the listening skill, we tend to get distracted and gravitate towards shutting off the speaker. Hearing is different from listening. In hearing, we do not pay attention to what is said, rather we tend to devise ways to counter what the other person says. This is exactly what happened with Sharifah. Instead of allowing Bawani to finish her speech, she interrupted and demanded Bawani to listen, about 11 times. Given her adult maturity, forum experience and superior education than Bawani, surely she could have demonstrated tact and class in handling the situation.       

2.       Language -  I was not at the hall to know how it went down, but from what I saw in the clip, it seemed like Bawani was emotionally upset with certain statements made by Sharifah. I do not know what exactly worked her up, but whatever it was, she could have varied the tone, pitch and volume. In my view, it seemed like she was speaking loudly as if at some open protest rally. Bawani is by training a psychologist and currenlty studying to be a lawyer. And, she is also a Social Activist. Given this background, I am not sure which cap was she wearing when she was speaking to Sharifah. For her own professional sake, she needs to acquire a polished approach in articulating her thoughts and points across. She needs to learn and practice how to speak in a cool, calm and collective manner that can withstand against charges of provocative verbalisation. On this, Sharifah had the upper edge and which she harnessed to her advantage with support from a large group audience.   

Emotional Intelligence. 

Was Sharifah angry or emotionally upset with the stimuli - Bawani. Based on how she responded, it seem very much so. Sharifah lost her cognitive control (cool mind) and  flipped to experience the “amygdala hijack”. Coined by Daniel Goleman, it relates to the emotional part of the brain the Amygdala which regulates the "fight or flight" response. When threatened, the Amygdala can respond irrationally. A rush of stress hormones floods the body before the prefrontal lobes (regulating executive function) can mediate this reaction. Any strong emotion, anxiety, anger, joy, or betrayal trips off the amygdala and impairs the prefrontal cortex’s working memory. The power of emotions overwhelms rationality. That is why when we are emotionally upset or stressed we can’t think straight. For more insights, go to  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala_hijack.

Sharifah is no Zidane but her infamous behaviour is just as good as a head butt!. I am sure she must, for her self development, review the video and do some soul searching reflection – why she did what she did. I am trying to empathise. What exactly was going through her mind from the time Bawani started speaking until her irrational mind kicked in. Was her rationale mind, during those critical moments, listening, recording, controlling the amygdala, analysing and mapping out a response over what to say in counter points, analogies and conclusive deductions. What can you make from, “Don't make comaprison iwth other countries, then what are you doing here, go to Cuba, Argentine, Libya …..”. This is definitely not the kind of statements that should come from a supposedly “better” educated person, no matter how patriotically provoked you may be. And, what about comparing human problems with that of animals?.  This part was, in my opinion, the final blow to her reputation, as someone with questionable EI.             

Answering Questions

Sometimes, the best way to answer a tricky or sticky question to which you don’t know or have a reasonably good to risk with is to simply “postpone” it. If Sharifah had been listening attentively, she could have answer Bawani is a professional manner without getting drawn into a frenzy of arrogance. In addition to rebutting what Sharifah had said in her speech, Bawani had posed some questions.  Acknowledging and respectfully brushing aside Bawani’s views and opinion aside, Sharifah should have focused on the questions, at hand. Instead, she alleged that Bawani was lacking education, citing her "disrespectful" attitude towards the elderly and therefore undeserving of being answered to. Once again, if this was a manipulative tactical ploy (and yes, diverting attention to the free Galaxy Note lucky draw !) to deflect from a sticky situation, it was in extreme immature, rude and cowardly taste.

Now, let me share another side of human behaviour. No, this is not about the mis-behaviour of educated adults. Quite the opposite, it’s about a humble kid teaching adults on what I have said above – communication, EI, Answering Questions – and much, much more. Most importantly, this story is about the most vital ingredient towards becoming or being a successful leader – unconditional love. The Team Long’s story is similar to Team Hoyt’s. The difference is, it's  about a brother’s sacrifice for a special reason. I really don’t know if anyone, including myself, could be like this kid. Seeing is believing, so, here it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouhURNLsnjo&feature=player_embedded

Beautiful people like Conner Long appear, from time to time, to knock some senses in adults and show us the values of humanity that we take for granted or overlook, as we busily compete in the rat race. I hope we all can assimilate a little of what Connor has given or characterizes. In fact, we all could make this a better place to live in harmony, respect and love.

If there is a will, there is a way.

If it is to be, then it is up to me.